A study into lovers and singles alike
By Giselle Eliza
I’m 22 years old and I’ve been in back to back relationships since 16. Every relationship has been so different and in my opinion provoked a different version of myself each time. However, at this time in my life with my current partner, in the most mature relationship I’ve ever been in, for the first time I’m able to experience what good healthy love feels like. Saying this, the reality is that even in the healthiest relationship, there are still, and will always be bumps in the road.
This made me ask myself what do I know about love? As a, girlfriend, a single person, a friend, daughter, am I still naive? Do we carry lessons learnt from our past lives or just the bad habits? Am I good at loving and being loved? My previous relationship made me very cynical about romantic love, I almost saw it as saboteur to personal happiness. As I learn to love again with someone that truly loves me back these feelings have started to change (as much as I hate to admit it).
It just makes me wonder, do young people know anything about love or are we still so mailable that we really have no concrete beliefs at all? Is this ability to emotionally adapt a good thing? Or are we destined to make the same mistakes over and over?
Love is undoubtedly beautiful, spiritual and rare but what do we really know about love?
Danny 23
Do you want to be in love?
eventually I would like to be in love and happy, but at this point in time I’m not going to look for it. I’m happy with myself and I think it’s important to be happy and dependent on your own before looking for love, but I’m open to it happening.
Do you think love is cruel or kind and why?
I don’t think love is one or the other I think there can be both cruelness and kindness in relationships. When you’re completely vulnerable with someone you are putting yourself at risk, but the best things in life are on the other side of risk so it’s a choice whether you allow yourself to be put in that vulnerable position that reaps both the good and the bad.
What did your first heartbreak feel like?
It was quite a surprise how much it affected me. you feel exposed and lost because all of that care, love and vulnerability sort of looses it’s meaning and purpose. It’s hard loosing the person you felt most comfortable with. I think I struggled to beleive that the love that was there was now gone. but over time you’ll come to cherish the time you spent together.
Do you look for love?
Nah, I don’t think I look for love, I think it’s better when it finds you unexpectedly, feels more natural that way. I think when you’re so eager to find it you’re only going to be dissapointed.
One truth about love?
Sometimes it’s hard to love someone, or to let yourself be loved. If you keep one foot in and one foot out, you won’t find any.
What does a soul mate mean to you?
I don’t really beleive in soul mates but I believe in relationships. I think the idea of a soul mate is an ever lasting worm hole. you could convince yourself you’ve found your soul mate, then you break up and tell yourself they obviously weren’t your soul mate because you’ve broken up, but whos a better judge of your soul mate than you- and you just got it wrong. Sort it out. People can have more things in common with other people than others, but sometimes I think differences are almost just as important. Relationships are worked on it’s not always going to be bliss.
Does love equal happiness?
Nah I don’t think love equals happiness , I think love cna bring you endless amounts of happiness, but you can very easily be in love with someone and not be happy.
What’s the earliest example of love that you saw in your life?
I think the earliest example of love that I saw in my life that I can remember is a birthday party I had when I was young. I’m thinking maybe 4 years old. I remember my mum, my dad and my brother all being there as well as some friends from school. I remember sitting around the table with my friends and my mum bringing over the cake in the dark. I remember thinking the cake was glowing, everyone got a slice, but there was a big old laugh because I went back for 4 or 5 slices and everyone was shocked at how much I’d eaten. That was an early feeling of love.
Do you believe in the one?
The one, thats sort of a soul mate in a way. To be honest I think there could be a chance that some day I’ll meet someone and everything will just click, but how do I say whether or not I believe in the one or not if I haven’t experienced it yet.
Do you think Platonic love is more valuable than romantic love?
I don’t necessarily think platonic love is more valuable than romantic love, nor do I think romantic love is necessarily more valuable than platonic love, I think it all depends on the type of love you have with someone. You could have love for someone platonically, your best friend lets say, that eventually turns into romantic love and that that could become the most important relationship you have. It all depends. Relationships are more complicated than this way or that way.
Is sex better with love?
I think sex is better with love yes. When you’re in love there’s chemistry, comfortability, excitement and immense passion. It’s being in that moment of ecstasy with someone when it feels like theres’s nothing else that matters.
Lyra 20
Do you want to be in love?
Yes! I like being in love, it is a beautifully uplifting feeling.
Have you ever been in love?
Yes- I am currently in love.
What did your first heartbreak feel like?
A film- I dramatised the moment for myself because I was in such immediate denial of what was happening in the moment; I was heartbroken, after all! My world had been flipped upside down and I yelled and cried and absolutely felt I was being very articulate despite the situation.
Do you look for love?
No- I have it
Does love equal happiness?
It absolutely can, particularly as romantic love matures- and it can also mean extreme unhappiness as well. Often, in the early stages of romantic love, it leads to suffering, from very small degrees, such as longing to pass by your person of interest, to extreme pain.
Do you believe in the one?
Not in the generally understood notion of what ‘the one’ is (a prophetic intertwining of two souls predetermined to be together) for most people.
More so, that the one is an individual who will be willing to work with you and wade through each others bullshit because they have an extremely strong belief that things between you are undoubtedly worthwhile and that you, to them, are the most special. They inspire you to grow into a better person, often through modelling what you could look like through their own behaviours.
Do you think platonic love is more valuable than romantic love?
No- both are very important to sustain through a life.
Is love important?
Yes. To love- a family member, a lover, a friend, or a thing – is the greatest gift.
Afyaal, 23
Do you want to be in love?
Yes, I think being in love is one of the best feelings we can have as humans in life.
Have you ever been in love?
It’s hard to know for sure but once you know you just know. So that’s a yes.
What does love look like to you?
Love to me looks like someone you can feel comfortable around and share all the things that you love with them and vice versa.
Do you think love is cruel or kind and why?
It can be both, especially cruel when one sided but kind when you find someone on your level.
Do you look for love?
I don’t look for love I feel as though it comes when you least expect it.
One truth about love
It doesn’t just show in one way.
What does soul mate mean to you?
Soul mate means the person you feel you connect with the most out of anyone you’ve ever met.
Does love equal happiness?
Love does not equal happiness because you need to love yourself first and foremost.
What’s the earliest example of love that you saw in your life?
My parents
Is sex better with love?
100% yes
Whats more painful, a friend or lover breakup?
Lover breakup for sure. But also depends how much you love your friend/ love your partner .
Is love important?
it is not essential but it’s defo up there. I believe everyone in the world should experience being in love at least once.
Iskra, 21
Does love equal happiness?
No, I’ve been depressed and in love at the same time. Love is being supported by your partner through all emotions.
What’s the earliest example of love that you saw in your life?
My parents- they are perfect for one another. They aren’t a romantic couple but that’s why they work together so well!
Do you believe in the one?
I do- because I believe I’ve found them. I’ve been with the same person since I was 15 (for over 6 years) and we’ve been through so many stages of life together. I know that this is my soulmate.
Do you think platonic love is more valuable than romantic love?
I think platonic love needs to come first. If you aren’t best firends with your lover then you’re doing something wrong.
Is sex better with love?
I personally don’t see the point of sex if love isn’t involved. I’ve only had sex with one person- my current partner.
Is love important?
Love is what makes the world go round
Alexii, 23
Do you want to be in love?
I am in love, its not something I wanted or expected but sometimes I think it’s decided for you when you need it and I feel incredibly lucky.
What does your idea of love look like?
What does your idea of love look like ?
Love looks different every time but in its most basic form love is giving your kindness and time to someone else
Do you think love is cruel or kind ?
Love is always cruel even in kindness because at one point you will be upset by the people you love in one way or another , love is whether you can truly progress and forgive each other
What did your first heartbreak feel like?
My first heartbreak felt like my heart had been shrivelled up completely, I felt much like a shell of a person but I think my friends and work saved me, I never thought I’d want to love again.
One truth about love
Love at it’s best is the most beautiful thing we can ever experience
What does soul mate mean to you?
I read somewhere that soul mates are two people who have two fragments of the same past soul. I thought this was a really great way to think of it. They say someone can be your soulmate but you won’t know until you’re both fully realised people. That’s definitely what happened with me, I’d never want to be with anyone else I’m very blessed.
Does love equal happiness?
Love is all emotions it’s everywhere in everything so no.
What’s the example of love that you saw in your life?
To be honest all the love I’ve seen has been problematic so I would have to say my earliest example is right now with my partner, I know from being with him this is how love should feel.
Do you believe in the one?
Yes I do but there’s not just one one if that makes sense. Statistically there are many ones it’s just whether you meet them and I’ve truly found mine.
Do you think platonic love is more valuable than romantic love?
They’re valuable in different ways, I will say though, platonic love is not so fickle
Is sex better with love?
Not always, it depends where your head is at and how sexually compatible you are with the other person. Saying that I’ve never had bad sex with someone I’m in love with so who knows?
What’s more painful a friend or lover breakup?
In the long term the mates I’ve lost even years ago I still think about now. My friends are everything to me since I don’t have a familial support system. After a while I find myself forgetting the romantic relationships I used to be in completely so I guess I would have to say friend breakups.
Is love important?
Yes but it shouldn’t be the only thing that matters to peple, that’s wheb ut becomes dangerous.
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